[Main Blog Post] Thoughts on My 38th Year

[jprussell]

This time, I'm going to try mirroring the full post here as well.

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Today is my birthday, so I'm going to go ahead and take one of my "steadholders"
for the year. I had hoped to get a new take on the Hail Idun prayer in
Germanish meter, but my first few drafts aren't doing it for me, and since
it will be the beating heart of the Heathen Rosary, I want to get it right.
Instead, a few things I've been thinking about:

• 38 truly feels a lot closer to 40 than 37, but even that was "not my 'mid-thirties' anymore." I've always sought to not get too hung up on youth and my age, and to know and accept my own looming death, but it didn't fully hit me until 2018 when my mother passed away and my first daughter was born within a couple of months of each other. That was one hell of a shot of
  "you're only one step in the ongoing march of life" all at once.


• My older daughter is doing her bit to make me feel the full weight of growing older. Yesterday, she asked me "Daddy, are you an old man?" and I said "no, not yet, but I'm on my way there." So, she said "will you be an old man tomorrow?" and again "no, not just yet." "Well, when will you be an old man?" "Not for a while, honey."


• More earnestly, my deepening spiritual work has been a big help with acknowledging and dealing with my feelings about getting older. I truly don't know where I'd be had the last few years gone otherwise. These days, my only regret is that I didn't find this path sooner, but I keep telling myself it's not a race, there's no prize for "doing more," it's not about what's at the end of the path, it's all about walking it.

With that said, I put forth my blessings to you and hope the coming year treats
you wonderfully.

Comments

Happy Birthday

[davidtrammel]

You'll do fine, I didn't get out of my childhood until 40.

Re: Happy Birthday

[jprussell]

Thanks very much! I feel like that might be an accurate description for me as well, at least in some ways, but I guess we'll see.

[sdi]

Happy Birthday to you!

You have the opposite conversations with your daughter that I do: "I'm old." "You're not old, daddy, you're young!" "But I feel old!" "But you're not!" "Look, my hair's turning all grey!" "They're not all gray. Maybe only half of them." "So I'm half-old, then?" "No, you're only old when they're all gray." And on and on it goes, it's something of a running gag at this point.

(I'm 36, she's 6, and I've felt old and tired since I was a teenager—but then, I find life exhausting, and am hoping to finally be able to rest and relax when I'm done with it. :) )

[jprussell]

Thank you, and congratulations on the new one! If the baby was born on February 12th, it's a most illustrious day, shared with Charles Darwin and Abraham Lincoln.

And yes, parenting especially, I'm like "why didn't I do this when I was young and full of energy?"

[sdi]

Thank you, too!

[causticus]

Happy belated birthday Jeff!

[jprussell]

Thanks very much!