[Main Blog Post] More Rough "All Father" Prayers

[jprussell]

I've put together four more tries at the "All Father" prayer. I'm getting closer, but still not totally happy with what I have, so even more so than usual, I welcome and ask for comments on how these might be stronger.

Thank you if you feel called to share!

Comments

[jprussell]

Bravo! Thanks very much for sharing! It's very tight for as much as it evokes.

For the sake of demonstration, though, a few nitpicks if you want to strictly follow fornyrdhislag:

1) It's usually, but not always, in 8 line stanzas, and this runs for 10, so not strictly breaking rules, but slightly unusual
2) The first syllable of the second line (B1) is meant to alliterate with one of the stressed syllables of the first line (A1 or A2, or both), and the second syllable of the second line (B2) should not alliterate with the first syllable of the second line (B1), so, unless Kiwis pronounce "Hall" "'All," it wouldn't alliterate with ONE and ALL, and in line 4, FEWS and FOREtold shouldn't alliterate, since they're both in a second line (and FEWS doesn't alliterate with either BREWer or WELcomes).

Here's my attempt to rework with as few changes as I could, to show the rules strictly followed:

1 (A) (A1)ONE-eyed (A2)ALL father
2 (B) In (B1)ASgard of the (B2)SLAIN,
3 (A) (A1)BREWer of (A2)WELcomes
4 (B) The (B1)WYRDS have (B2)FOREtold,
5 (A) May (A1)MUNinn ever (A2)HOLD to
6 (B) What (B1)HUGinn in(B2)SPIREs,
7 (A) So (A1)REACH deep into the (A2)WELL
8 (B) As the (B1)RAVens (B2)CAW,
9 (A) So I (A1)WORK the (A2)RUNES
10 (B) My (B1)WYRD to (B2)KEN.

But again, I like what you posted and I'm just sharing this for anyone following along at home, and as you saw in this post, I'm not above breaking the rules for poetic effect!

Cheers,
Jeff

[k_a_nitz]

Oops, I read that as the first stressed syllable of the second line - my bad. And I obviously lost count of the lines! And I messed up rhyme with alliteration - serves me right for doing this while listening in on a work meeting!

Another attempt

[k_a_nitz]

Wender of wyrd
One-eyed all father,
Hallower of brews
In the hall of the slain,
So draw from the well for us
The depths of the runes,
And inspire me Huginn
So Muninn ever caws.

Re: Another attempt

[jprussell]

Nice! Much better than my clumsy attempt at a rework.

Re: Another attempt

[k_a_nitz]

Actually I prefer your attempt!

Re: Another attempt

[jprussell]

Well, thanks, but I think mostly that's just further evidence that there's something to poetry (and fiction, and RPGs, and visual art, and...) where there's "something" about others' creations that you can't get out of your own work.